Well I've taken the next step. I had my second surgery on the 19Th of April. The surgery went as planned. They took a larger area around the tumor site to try to get clear margins this time and also did a sentinel node biopsy. I'm still recovering of course. I think the pain is worse near where they took the lymph nodes. It's just in an awkward place and there is still lots of swelling but I'm told that's normal.

I'm waiting on the final results which should come sometime today. I think the waiting is the most difficult part. All the uncertainty. If margins aren't clear the surgeon says we need to do a mastectomy. I was really hoping to avoid that since I'm not insured reconstruction isn't an option at this point. The initial findings of the lymph nodes was clear but one looked suspicious so we won't know until the dissection is done and we get final results. Of course if that pesky one isn't clear they will remove the rest of them under my arm for more testing. I so hope I don't have to do that!

I have to say the sentinel node biopsy prep was not a fun thing to go through. I'm so glad I had my mother wait in an area away from where the prep was happening. I think she would have lost it completely if she had heard me scream. It's not something I ever wish to go through again. If you're squeamish don't read the next sentence or two. They have to inject a radio active substance into the nipple in 4 areas. That is absolutely the worst pain I've ever gone through and I've had 3 children. I'm pretty sure that's the loudest I've ever screamed in my life. The doctor who was doing the injections felt so bad. He just kept saying he was sorry but this was the only way to do it. There was no numbing medication as he said that injection was worse than the others. I can't even imagine.

So here I sit waiting to see what the next step is. Radiation and possibly chemo or yet more surgery. I'm trying to keep positive thoughts but it's a difficult thing not know the outcome of the pathology yet. I'll be sure to post when I get my results. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I'm so nervous i can't sleep and I think I'm about to lose my mind here. Thanks for listening.